Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Mummyhood - No, I didn't lose my identity

Years ago, before I had Dumpling, my life was full of random and spontaneous moments and I exercised 5 days a week. Yup, 5 DAYS A WEEK. After work, I'd travel down to a Yoga studio which I was an active member of and would be powering through sessions of Hot Flow yoga.

On the occasional 'day off', (likely once to twice a week :p) I will be at one of the watering holes at Emerald Hill with some of my ex colleagues (whom I still keep in touch to this day) having a few glasses of drink before I call it a night.

Then mummyhood came along and it's begun to sound like some sort of a bad pick up line where you get excluded from catching up sessions as you are officially "in a different camp". It took me a while to get used to it, being responsible for someone else who is totally dependent on you for her needs. Coupled with having some issues with PND, it took a while before I could ease into mummyhood.

Frankly I did not have that "love at first sight" moment. This little new being and I worked really hard at getting to know each other and I often wondered then if there was something wrong with me, especially when I hear of how friends took to parenting like a duck to the water (yup, those were the actual words used). I had cabin fever and I felt just so 'small' during my confinement period (and for some subsequent months after being laid off as my ex company was bought over) and felt that I had no purpose in life other than to do diaper change and feeding. This mummyhood role was not an easy role for me, especially when I was used to being busy and handling 'bigger' issues being a Regional Marketing Manager for a listed company.

But bit by bit, I have grown to love my role as a mum. I no longer view it as 'small', instead I was awed by the fact that I have been tasked to take care of, grow and mold a person, who I hope and pray will grow up to be sensible and have the right values. And that's also how we grew organically to be a homeschooling duo.

It has been more than 5.5 years being a mum and gawd, it is to date, the most difficult role that I have ever been tasked with. In the past, I used to feel a bit of a sting when I had to forgo meeting up with friends or sending my apologies that I cannot meet for dinner dates (as I need to homeschool in the evenings). But over the past 2-3 years, I have come to terms with it. I guess during those early years, there was always a tiny doubt at the back of my mind if I have lost my identity - the fun-loving person who was always up for drinks and dinner dates with my friends and colleagues.

It took me a while to realise that I did not lose my identity but in fact, mummyhood added a different dimension to me as a person. I have never known that I am capable of loving another being as fiercely as I do, until I became a mum. Being a mum has made me a provider, a care giver, a healer, an educator, a believer and most importantly a giver. And it also made me the recipient of the sweetest moments and the wettest kisses. For that, I am blessed.

Someone once asked me how I felt when I turned 30. I didn't know and couldn't tell any difference then. (I delivered Dumpling just after I turned 31). But now I know. In my 20s I was discovering myself, trying to pursue my career and dreams. In my 30s, I have grown to be comfortable in my own skin, count a handful as close friends who understand me, stand by me and whom I can laugh with and confide in. I am also assured in my various roles - be it a daughter or a mum. I feel 'fuller', more complete and more certain as these facets come together to fulfill me. Instead of losing an identity, I have gained different facets for different 'seasons'. For that, I am thankful. So, here's a toast to all of you beautiful and giving mums out there - for all the tough and challenging moments, for being the greater being and for taking on this lifelong vocation ~ cheers!  

If you have enjoyed this post, please follow me on my Facebook Page where I share my parenting thoughts, food photos (be prepared for tons of them!), early shout outs for giveaways and interact with you, my readers! You can also follow me on Pinterest and Instagram


  1. Love this post and I think a lot of new mums need to read this and be assured that motherhood can be beautiful and makes them more multi-faceted. Cheers to Motherhood!

    1. Thank you Susan! Motherhood is tough but you are right, the journey itself (from pregnancy to parenting) is absolutely beautiful. I would also like to think that it is this happiness, which in turn, makes us beautiful too :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Be warned: All content in this blog is copyright protected.

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected