Circuit Breaker & home-based learning: a week on...

I have been on a split team WFH basis since end February and like all, with the circuit breaker, I have since then transitioned to fully working from home. With the kiddo also doing full home-based learning, honestly it has been challenging.

While working (back to back con calls daily), I have to still attend to the kiddo’s IT problems, emotional needs (she is missing her friends and get grumpy as it is just worksheets and quizzes from period daily without much engagement) and we can’t go out of the house to do for e.g. some netball drills. 

So along the way, during this past week, I’ve learnt many things which would equip me better for the next circuit breaker / even an extension.

1. Top up top up!

I am not talking about food here (that’s below). The whole circuit breaker thing took most of us by surprise so while most are doing panic groceries shopping, I was mainly at home as I was trying to stay away from the crowd.

About a week into full HBL, my ink cartridge (the printer is new mind you!) ran out after printing out worksheets after worksheets from her enrichment classes. As it was new, I really had no inking as to how much ink would be used hence I was unprepared for this. And then just yesterday, the kiddo told me that some of her pens seem to be running low on ink too.

So that started my online hunt for more pens (Popular bookstore is closed!) and going on Shopee & Qoo10 to purchase new ink cartridges and pens. On this note, I have to say that I am very thankful we still have pencil leads!

2. Alternative groceries sources

After trying my luck and waiting for a slot at redmart for about 3 odd weeks, I finally had a delivery slot last evening. But as alternative sources, I’ve found that Singaporeans are very resourceful especially when it comes to our favourite national pastime – eating / food. I have a regular estate group buy chat group which I belong to where I've been ordering fruits to meat to seafood.  

However, there are 2 Facebook groups that I have just joined – Hawkers United which is basically set up where we can either pre-order in advance for quicker takeaways / for food delivery as well as Pasar United where anything from meat to seafood to fruits and vegetables can be ordered online / via whats app and then delivered to you.

Some of these sellers even have pre-packed bundles for our convenience

(Source)

(Source)

3. Eyeballing

During the first week of HBL, I saw how restless my kid was. I am not sure if your children’s attention span is really good but for Dumpling, she has been missing her friends and social interaction. Additionally, for us, HBL has so far just been online attempts – quizzes and MCQs online + preprinted worksheets prepared by the teachers prior to the closure so this of course cannot be compared to frontal teaching. 

For the first 2 days, she was distracted and did not finish the exercises on time. As we had classes after the school’s HBL, it was really draining for me to nag (while working) and for her as well as we ended “school day” really late on those occasions.

So what I am still attempting to do is to get her to wind down at night as per the usual time so that she is up on time for her HBL. At the same time, I have shifted my “workstation” to her study area so that there’s some still some nagging and hand holding along the way.

4. One dish wonders for lunch

For lunch, as it is right smack in the middle of my work day, to be frank, I am unable to indulge and cook the usual soup and dishes (三菜一汤) but have gone into cooking noodles “zichar” style where all ingredients are in that 1 dish 

(More food photos and ideas are shared on my IG account! Please follow me and share your thoughts and ideas too)

as well as dishes which you can simmer over the stove – beef ribs stew yesterday.

(Recipe link here)

So here's what I've learnt from the past week. What about you guys? How are you all holding up? I hope that the circuit breaker would help to flatten the curve and we can see the numbers decline in about 1.5 - 2 weeks time. Prayerfully, the worldwide situation improves soon too. Till the next post, please stay safe, and please stay home!   

 If you have enjoyed this post, please follow me on my Facebook Page where I share my parenting thoughts (both on the kiddo and my furkid), food photos (be prepared for tons of them!), outdoor fun, useful reviews, early shout outs for giveaways and interact with you, my readers! You can also follow me on Pinterest and Instagram!  

Her netball journey - a year of tears, pain, sweat and joy

On the 31^st Jan this year, I received a call from a teary Dumpling crying into the phone that she was not selected for the school team. It was the first time she’s ever called me to seek comfort over the phone, through tears.

With a sinking heart, I tried my best to keep her calm and give her assuring words, but this decision did not come as a surprise. It was because a few weeks just before the announcement I had a conversation with a teacher from the school who told me that while Dumpling did very well as a defender, they were not looking for one. I was stumped and asked why. The reply that I was given was that “defenders do not need thinking skills”. I then asked what support has then been given to Dumpling to hone her attacking skills, but my question was brushed aside. And at that moment, I knew that Dumpling had next to zilch chance in getting into the team. More than that, I did wonder about the leadership of the team if person has such skewed thoughts about the role of defenders.

This was where things got frustrating for me because Dumpling would return home, telling me about the drill work that she did and who she was paired with, and there were many instances where she was not given the chance to work with weight belts, etc as compared to some of the other girls. Hence, it seems that the choices were already made way prior and that the school was spending the time and the effort on those who will be selected.

Dumpling told me that on the announcement day, they were informed that the choices were made based on “attendance”, “grades” and "ball skills". Of which, in terms of the 1^st 2 criteria, factually (by this I mean statistically) Dumpling would have been in the top percentile. As for ball skills, this would be very subjective since there’s no official sets / criteria. Dumpling was sharp enough to know that and asked me then on what basis was she not chosen since she made the mark based on the first 2 criteria and this was something that I could not answer to. Additionally, there was a player in that list (who was chosen) whose attendance and the attitude have been known to be bad.

I did ask one teacher, but she could not answer me. Shockingly, this same player (with the bad attitude) stole (by this I actually referred online to the meaning of the word and here it is: "take another person's property without permission or legal right and without intending to return it."*) from Dumpling some months later where Dumpling found her item in this girl’s bag and the girl admitted to it. The matter was brought up to the school and yet, this girl remains as part of the team, donning on the netball dress representing the institute which I sent my child to, in hopes of my child being educated not just in terms of book knowledge but also in values. What an irony. There were also many dramatic incidents amongst the players which I feel did not show that the team was building up to be one which has strong camaraderie and with the right focus.

When Dumpling did not make the final cut, one of the things we spoke about was if she intended to stay on in this CCA and be part of the recreational team and she told me “no”. I asked her for her reason, and to be honest, if she were to tell me because it was “too hard” I would not have agreed to it, Surprisingly, she shared that the recreational team does not have exposure to friendly games as opposed to the competitive team and if that were the case, she will never learn more and improve. I was very surprised by her thought process and maturity and hence, we transferred her out of that CCA which she was part of since P2.

On 2 Feb, I put up this photo of her trying out new shoes on her new journey in my personal FB page. And I recall encouraging her to continue on with her passion and that maybe one of these days, we can share her journey with some of you readers where it would encourage you and your children but I did not think that I would actually be able to share about her journey within the same year. 

After she left the team, she then began to train with a club outside where she forged new friendships and I dare say, more respectful ones too. The players all played for one thing – “team success”, not for individual glory. They built on each other’s skills and encouraged each other during games with assuring words like “you can do it!”, “good job”, “really well done”, etc., and even when mistakes were made (very unlike her school experience), encouragement such as "it's ok, good try!" were dished out.

She’s trained through rain (yup, they continue even in the rain if there’s no lightning alert), played through injuries and worked through personal obstacles. There were no tinted glasses when she joined the team (i.e. "defenders do not need thinking skills" type of opinions) and instead, she was given a fair chance to be exposed to, and nurtured in various positions where she started learning more about being an attacker too.

Playing and training through rain is quite a norm for us. In fact, I now have sets of towels, slippers, 2 hoodies and a change of clothes all the time in my car

Training through a hyper-extended knee and after being knocked down during a morning league game

And for this season, she's played through a few different leagues and committed to some sessions on Sunday too

Over the past few terms, she has rarely missed out on any training unless she was sick (I think twice) and has not missed out on any league matches which she has committed. She played through exam weeks, learnt to juggle that with her violin practice and after her weekly higher Chinese class, she would travel to a gym for her youth academy classes where she worked on being stronger to counter balance her hyper-mobility so she reduces the risk of injuries. And for all of that, she’s made me a proud mum – because she has shown resilience, maturity and commitment to improving herself.

And after (almost) a year of playing with the club, at an award presentation last evening, much to our surprise, she was given an award - "Most Improved Player" (U11, Year 2019).

An award which recognises her leapfrog in court and ball skills, good performance, great attitude and commitment to the sport and also to her team mates, and of course, her hard work.

She was a bit shell-shocked and was in disbelief.
Past year winners congratulating her and handing over the shield award & personal plaque to her

Where her name now is immortalised on the plaque for the "Most Improved Player" for U11 group in 2019. We get to keep this award at home for the whole year where she will hand it over to the next Most Improved Player for U11 in 2020! (How cool!)

And the personal one which we get to keep

Looking back, I would have to say that it was a very frustrating experience dealing with the school and with a teacher who did not seem to understand (let alone appreciate) the value of each position and how to groom / support each players' growth.

It was also heartbreaking as a parent to receive a call with your child crying over the phone, for the first time ever, and not having the power to make things better for her. It has also been arduous as we had to carve out (almost non-existent) pockets of time to do this outside of school hours so that she can train (on court and in gym) to become faster, stronger and better. There were many times on this journey that she was very discouraged by the plateau in her performance (and possibly me yelling on the side line, haha) and also by the "injustice" of the selection but the important thing is that we stayed on. 

From a parenting perspective, I did not try to soften the blow for her because hey, this is life and it is what it is. There will be moments in life where there are favourtism and when things do not go her way, where she will be struck down, so the only thing that I can do as a parent was to guide her to problem solve - discuss with her our next course of action, what we can do better and how she can bounce back; to encourage and support her in whatever areas that we can and to always assure her that we believe in her. 

And in the end, it was a sweet moment of small success, where she is recognised by her coaches for her effort and performance. Where she has grown to be more confident, make better decisions on court and importantly, I am most happy to see that she is smiling once again, during her training. 

Success begets success and she is so encouraged and so stoked that her coaches recognise her effort that she told me on the way home that she will train harder. So, well done Dumpling, I am so proud of you, that you rose above the challenges and the negativity and improved as a player, a team mate and a person. And as parents, if your child(ren) is/are facing challenges, stick by them, believe in them and continue to whisper words of affirmation. What Dumpling said to me last evening sums up her relationship with her team, "Mum, the girls were all very happy for me and they cheered me on as I collected my plaque. There were no snide remarks and bad attitude and many patted me on my back as I sat. They were so encouraging!" 

That my readers and friends, is what sportsmanship is about and what being a team means. And for that, I cannot be more pleased that she is with a club that lives and breathes that motto (first to arrive at leagues for warm ups, warm up as a group - no sprinters and personal glory, no snide / rude remarks to each other and to other teams), and that she is taught not just to be a better sportsperson BUT also a better being. Thank you Centaurs and my deepest gratitude to all the coaches who believe in her and are supporting her so that she can be the best version of herself.  

* source
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All to get good grades – but is it worth it?

The family had a “big weekend” with the National Day celebration and Hari Raya Haji that just passed. I was actually looking forward to enjoying the rest of the last day of PH where I attended a play with Dumpling in the morning. After the play, I went for lunch with a buddy and her family. The kiddo then was with my buddy’s children and spouse when she suddenly got very upset and showed me her classmate's status update which basically read as such:

“I’m dying”

“I feel depressed”

“I’m not joking. I’m serious”

The girl then proceeded to share that it is because she has to "do 3 exam papers every day” and she has not even a day to rest. (Just to add, the exam papers are not given by the school.) Then it was followed by:

“I do wanna get good grades but I’m dying”

“I wanna cry but I can’t”

And then to our horror, she added on to say 

“She says that XX does more work than me. She’s probably right but still … too much”
“And XX doesn’t have a choice either”

“All to get good grades… it’s not worth it… I just wanna have a day when I can rest… but I can’t”

“I wanna die”

There were more in between and she ended with:
“I’m stuck here… crying”

*XX being Dumpling's name

Firstly, I do not know how it is humanly possible to expect our kids to do 3 sets of practice papers daily. Clearly, the author’s mum’s motto is “more is more”.

Secondly, my kid does not do more work than her kid. My kid does not even smell, let alone touch practice papers monthly. Heck, I will be laughing my way sending her to school if she even remembers to complete her school homework on time.

Thirdly, why is there a need to use my child or any child for that matter a yardstick for comparison? More than that, why is my child being used as an "excuse" to normalize the "3 exam papers daily"? And to dispel any myth, my kiddo is not a top student in her class. That child, however, possibly is one of the top and at the rate she is going, is well on-route to be a scholar.

I am sharing this openly not as an attempt to shame anyone but because as a parent, I am concerned.

Is this the method which we use to get our children to excel – the non-stop practice papers and the pressure by saying that another child is doing more work than yours? Why is there such a need for these comparisons and the need to be so overly focused on just grades? When your child is pushed to a corner where she used her whats app status to share these, does it not say something? When she talks about dying not once, not twice but thrice, does it once again not say something? 

I am sharing this openly also because my child, after seeing the status update was very upset and broke down outside, witnessed by my buddy. In short my child feels that she does not want to do well in school if it means that her friend bears that brunt of it. She also could not understand why she was dragged into it, where "she" (in the status updates) had the impression that my kiddo does exam papers like a machine and my kiddo also did not understand why there is a need for such comparison. Mostly, Dumpling was upset that she will end up not having a friend due to all these competition.

I am sharing this openly because I truly wonder, when have grades become more important than mental health and other things such as values – honesty, perseverance, integrity and responsibility? Why are grades, the only definition of “success”?

I am sharing this because I am worried about the kind of world our children are raised in. Though there are changes to the education landscape where exams are removed, it is very clear here that it would take loads more before such competitions and the the over emphasis of “grades” are lessened in our society. It is sad because in a warp way, what we have done is like what we see in a B-grade movie: we created this grade culture and monster and think that we have it under our control, instead laughably, it has infiltrated our system, "become" the system, gotten into our DNA and it now owns us. Our children end up being drilled endlessly, disliking school and unfortunately, experience first hand how "Kiasuism" and the pursuit of grades drive a wedge in their love for learning and in forging genuine and healthy friendships. 

So, the question aptly asked above resonates deep and true: “all to get good grades – but is it worth it?”

Is your child’s sanity worth it?  

Source

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A lesson from "The Great Automatic Grammatizator": what should I be when I grow up?

Lately the kiddo has been pondering over what she wants to be when she grows up. I suppose this is triggered by class discussions as well as the big topic - DSA. Years ago, when I was interviewed for a magazine, I was asked the same question where I quipped "I just want her to be happy." Years on, my answer remains the same.

With Primary 5, I can feel the mounting pressure on academics. There's home work daily for the kiddo (usually an average of 2 subjects) and the time taken is usually around 1.5 to 2 hours. Frankly, on days where she stays back in school for CCA, Higher Chinese and then there's enrichment classes, she has very little wind down time. Hence my reply to her over these years still remains.

However, her reply has been "but most of my friends know what they want to be - lawyers, doctors, etc!"

I, too, have friends who are working with their kids on a said profession - training from young, DSA, etc., where activities have all been carefully planned for from young.

But my reply to her was "don't sweat over it."

Grades are no doubt, very important in our society. Though there's changes to the banding system where there's supposedly less emphasis on results, in my humble opinion, it will take a while before our society sees beyond grades. That's because many of us parents now were brought up where academics reigned and things for e.g. such "arts" was hardly heard of as a career choice then. Many may not catch on that the world has changed and is still evolving.

When I was recently asked by a friend what I am grooming the kiddo for, she was surprised that I do not have an answer or goal for the kiddo, while I was equally stumped by her question.

I suppose 2 reasons why I was stumped are:

(1) I have faith that God has a plan for all of us so most certainly, He has a plan for the kiddo.

(2) I see that there's a need to move beyond academics because the world our children will be working in is not like the one which we are in now or the one which we were brought up in. Some of these future jobs have not even been created. Take gaming for e.g., I cannot imagine how our parents can see that as careers 15 years back but just look at how "prized" programmers, animation artists, etc. are now. And with AI and machines taking on more jobs, what will there be left for our children?

Coincidentally, the kiddo devoured this book by Roald Dahl some weeks back when she was nursing a fever at home and was bored up to her ears. If you are not aware, Roald Dahl wrote stories not just for young children but he also wrote a series of stories for teenagers too. And interestingly, it was over this story that allowed me to explain the changing world to the kiddo. 

If you have not had a chance to read this story, here's a short synopsis. This dark story centres around a genius who created a story writing machine (Great Automatic Grammatizator) which quite literally "took over the world" as the machine was able to replace the human author by creating better stories (and stories which people want to read) and in turn creating a monopoly in the market place. Human authors were no longer needed but they were "bought" into this system where they "wrote" stories through the machines, deceiving the unsuspecting world. 

This prompted us to have a really interesting discussion if technology is a useful tool, the power of AI (is it too smart for us?) and the disruptions technology and machines can cause in the business world. So, with that, what skill sets are important for one to thrive in a different world 10 years down the road? What disciplines are less replaceable or still require that human touch? What are the jobs that can be replaced and so, what then are left for this generation? 

So, if you are still gunning purely for academics, this story may let you think otherwise. 

The key question should instead be "what skill sets should your child have as she powers through the future world?" 

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Motherhood - a lonesome journey

As I journey into my 11^th year of motherhood, I have to say that it can be quite a lonesome journey. I am not sure if it is an Asian “tiger mum” thing but seemingly, there’s tons to compare once you become a mother.

I recall during the earlier days, it was the early milestones that had parents in a fluster – which child stood earlier, walked earlier, spoke earlier, read earlier, etc. The popularity of the flashcards then and how it "coaches" toddlers to read did not help to ease first time parents’ anxiety too.

Comes preschool, it was a mad rush to getting places at the “best” (or at least most well-known) preschools with a huge emphasis on literacy. Trust me when I say that this is a HUGE concern; I was in the early childhood industry for years and my role then was in Marketing and Enrolment. I have met thousands of parents with preschoolers over the 5 - 6 years and few of the most common questions that I get are "Will my child be ready for primary school? Will she learn how to read and write and count?" 

Because such is the nature of our culture and society, the underlying current and quiet competition/comparisons start young. I have had a few run-ins with parents during workshops where there were some comments on why certain roles in drama classes were dished out to certain children, how a 5 day camp should be a 3 day camp because their kids cannot attend (though majority could attend), etc. Naively as a first time parent, and when the kiddo was much younger, I used to share more about the activities which we do and even celebrate small successes on my social media posts. However, there seems to be a backlash - I quickly realize that some were quietly comparing and there seems to be some preconceptions of Dumpling too. 

Classic "scary" mums that I meet 
Credit

Things did not lighten up in Primary school. As she is in a girls' school I dare say that it is more competitive than a co-ed school. In the lower years, it is much easier to attain full marks and I found myself falling into the parenting trap where I sometimes hear myself asking Dumpling who else scored full marks or what's the highest score in her class for a said subject. Dumpling was also made Monitor during Primary 1 and I recall that choice / decision was questioned by another mum - why Dumpling and not her child. So these were unhealthy as well. Fast forward to a few years on. The girls were to work on group projects and I have previously shared that they had to construct a boat individually but work as a group to present and share their thoughts, findings and rationale for the choice of materials for their boat. Dumpling was in charge of collating the slides and was repeatedly "chasing" for the slides from a classmate. After 2 - 3 weeks (nearing the deadline), the girl shared that her parent does not allow for her to email or share her slides with anyone prior the presentation for fear that others would copy her slides / ideas. 

It is no surprise that as such I do not mingle much with the other parents from Dumpling's school - as a FTWM my time is stretched and honestly, I lack the time and stamina to manage such "comparisons" and it also helps me manage my own expectations better. And maybe because of the fact that I have seen so much of these "dramas" I am often uncomfortable to comment or share much about Dumpling and how her classmates are faring when I am asked by other parents in casual conversations. I find myself guarded, worried that things that I share may be misunderstood and misconstrued. When we had small successes, I was hesitant to comment much, only occasionally sharing about fun stuff, vacations, etc. for "fear" of more backlash or further pressure from these unhealthy competitions. 

Having said that, I am very thankful that I have other girlfriends in my life who keep me sane - only a few from "outside" circle and even fewer from her school. With these mums, I do not have to worry much about sharing the bad news (where I could potentially be judged as being too pushy or am a tiger mum reincarnate) or the good stuff (where once again I could be judged as being boastful or arrogant). Frankly in the current days of social media consumption and a change in communication form (whats app), things could often be misunderstood where gossips can spiral out of control. 

So yes, motherhood can be a lonesome journey where it is a case of "darn if you do" and "darn if you don't". So, if you are wondering why I have not been blogging much, this is the reason. I do not want Dumpling to be "judged" or to have my blog infringe into her privacy especially now that she is older. People sometimes think that just because I have photos on my FB or IG sharing glimpses of our lives, they assume that they know us well and well enough to judge and comment. 

I will still be blogging randomly and will share more on my perspectives and unless the kiddo is comfortable with me sharing hers, she will not be making much of an "appearance". If she does, then it would be more of a "cameo".  :p 

Parenting with Love: Values

With the recent MOE announcement on schools having fewer exams and assessments, there’s an attempt to have a shift in focus on academic results. The rigour in our system has been an ongoing discussion for a while, with an MP raising if PSLE should be abolished during Parliament earlier this year.

The academic pressure has also been much discussed within my own circle of friends. However, something that I feel we need to look into is values. A friend of mine recently posted up on her FB about witnessing a child jumping queue and the parent condoning it. More than that, apparently when my friend spoke up, the parent got nasty.

Dumpling as some of you would know, participates in Netball as a CCA. On most days, her position is that of a midfielder. One thing I’ve often advised her is to just take on and try various positions, even when it is not one that is familiar to her. There was an occasion this year where she was tasked to stand in as a shooter, a position she is unfamiliar with. Needless to say, Dumpling did not score any goals. After the session, one player (let’s call her T) called Dumpling a loser. Dumpling (good on her I must say!) told that girl off. What was disturbing was that Dumpling shared with me the girl’s mum heard their squabble and confronted Dumpling, asking her “what is wrong with T calling you a loser?” Thankfully Dumpling stood her ground.

As Dumpling is in the so called "top class" in her school, I often "marvel" (can you detect the sarcasm here?) at some of the parents' teachings and reactions, and wonder if all they are concerned about are grades. On a recent occasion, Dumpling was placed in a project group where each of the team mate has a part to research and write on and the slides were to be collated at the end of the project timeline. Dumpling was “chasing up” with one particular team-mate who was unresponsive and refused to email / save her part in the thumb drive. Towards the end, that team member shared that her slides were ready, but her mum refused to let her email / save it lest the team “tries to copy them”. So apparently, team work and, respect and collaboration are not ranked high on her list here. 

A few months back, Dumpling was also hit on the arm by a classmate with a pencil case. This same classmate also threatened to step onto Dumpling’s violin not once but twice. I had to raise this to the form teacher as the incidents seem to be ongoing (these were not the only few incidents but the more “recent” ones). The girls were purposely separated to reduce chances of interaction. Some days later, Dumpling told me that the girl told the teacher her mom has also told her to stay away from Dumpling lest she (the girl) gets blamed by Dumpling again. So clearly, hitting and threatening someone is not something which the parent thinks is wrong. 

In the past, if my parents were to get a call from the school, my mom would hit the roof and start questioning and punishing us first. I recall my younger days where my mum would cane my brother and I so badly that my classmates would point and stare at the marks over the next few days when we attended school.

(Source)

In this day and age, it seems that the tables have turned. I am not sure if the pursuit of academic excellence causes a downplay on values; after all, our society is meritocratic. It is almost like these children can do no wrong and I can almost hear parents rebutting with a “well, Thomas came in tops for his recent Maths exams”; that good grades are all that matter.

Dumpling has on some occasions told me that I am the worst mum ever and she hates me. Yup, in those words, especially when I come down hard on her for failing to complete her stuff or not taking responsibility for her choices and actions. My reply was (and I still stand by this) that I am first and foremost, her mother, a parent. If we end up being great friends along the way, that’s a bonus. But my main duty in life is to ensure that she grows up being a “good” person – one that is kind, responsible, has compassion and understands the value of good old hard work; one that is willing to speak up for what is right and understands the value of respect and collaboration. So if that makes me a bad parent because I am anal about some stuff, then so be it as I am trying to raise a child with good values, not someone with just great grades. 

If you have enjoyed this post, please follow me on my Facebook Page where I share my parenting thoughts, food photos (be prepared for tons of them!), early shout outs for giveaways and interact with you, my readers! You can also follow me on Pinterest and Instagram!  

Sports do not build character; they reveal it ~ John Wooden

About 3 years ago just around this time, Dumpling started her little journey playing Netball. She returned home from school one day to tell me that she played Netball during a PAL lesson and promptly asked us to enrol her for training outside. As she was only in Primary 1 then, I recall that I was amused by her sharing and even asked if she was sure or was it that they played Captain’s Ball. To this day I still recall the indignant look on her face when she shared that it was indeed netball. Those lessons, started her love for that ball game and the fire has not been extinguished.

So, for the next 2+ years, she has been learning from and playing for 2 clubs outside. From simple ball drills to body conditioning work, she’s been at it almost every Saturday morning and would ask me for my thoughts and comments on her effort and games.

I personally know of many parents who delayed their girls’ CCA for as long as they could so that their daughters could attend other academic classes instead. I’ve also had mums who asked me why we stuck to it even as the school work gets more and more demanding each year.

So, why did I agree to let her do it then and why do I still support her after so long?

In case you were to misunderstand, let me add that my daughter is not in any school team nor are we remotely praying over / working towards using Netball as a DSA. I agreed to it initially because of 1 thing: collaboration.

As Dumpling is an “only”, I was worried that she would not know how to “work” with others, learn to share and even handle conflicts. Hence that was what got me nodding. Along the way, this pursuit of a sport, taught her many great things: grit, commitment (she sets alarm clock for her training), discipline and teamwork. She’s played through sickness (high fever which we later found out where we pulled her out to rest up), injuries (skinned knees, sore ribs) and also in the rain.

There’s been moments where she was at a plateau and she did not seem to improve or “get it” with her ball drills / game strategies and it would leave her (and frankly me) frustrated. But what I came to love about her is that she always bounces back. My favourite moments “sharing” this sport with her (I used to play this game too) is of us attending the annual Mission Cup games (or for this year, the Asian Games) together where we’d shout ourselves hoarse during the games supporting our team and then discuss the brilliant moves across the court.

Dumpling started walking at 10+ months old where she’d skipped the crawling stage entirely. It was almost like she was too impatient to wait and she went right on to the walking stage. I am not sure if it is because of that but she can be the most uncoordinated person at times. With this game, she had to learn how to work around things she is not naturally strong in and she’s had to endure the muscle fatigue and aches, sprained fingers, skinned knees, bruises and at one game at AIS, a really sore nose.

Photo with her fav players over a span of 3 years

Her school has recently started a series of really long training on every Saturday morning (between 4 – 5 hours and us having to reach school at the ungodly hour of 710am!) as they are now in the midst of selecting the school team for the next year. So, I have been getting tired over the long hours of training and the mad rush of sending her for her violin and catechism classes thereafter. I was sharing with a fellow mum that at times I am not sure why I am still sending Dumpling in for such long training especially when I know we have tons of homework to clear the following day.  

But I have an answer now. 

Recently Dumpling had a friendly match playing against one of the clubs that she was training with previously. She met an ex-teammate where coincidentally, they were direct opponents. After the game, Dumpling shared with me excitedly that her ex-teammate commented, somewhat in surprise, that Dumpling has improved a lot in speed, etc. Needless to say, Dumpling was really happy and encouraged. 

So, that's why we are still supporting her after so long: it is simply to honor her love for this sport. This strange, unwavering love of more than 3 years. Importantly, it is also to recognise that grit and commitment, and celebrate progress. 

Giving a Hi-5 to one of our national players who stands at a whopping 196cm!!!

Of course Dumpling still has many areas to work on but I am very sure that I've yet to meet many 9+YOs who's this committed to something. It is that love for the game that drives her "never-say-die" attitude, even when she faces opponents that are bigger and taller, and at times faster than her. And I, I am proud to be a mom of such a tenacious and determined child. 

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Parenting with Love: Educating for the Future World

I never thought that I'd say this but comparatively to many to other mums, it's evident that I will never qualify to be a "tiger mum". To be one, you must have an iron will as well as the tenacity to weather all storms (including rebellions and meltdowns), not to mention pretty deep pockets. :p  I bumped into a mum a few weekends who stopped me in mid tracks to ask about a Netball organisation that Dumpling was with for the last 2 - 3 terms. From that discussion it evolved to many other side topics but all driving towards how I am steering / preparing my child for an elite Secondary school.

It was clear that this mum was at the top of her game and mind you, I must say that I am very impressed as her child is a good couple of years younger than Dumpling, having only started in Primary 1. Honestly, I could not keep up.

I have recently moved on from the Early Childhood industry (after having spent the past 6 years in this industry) where I am now taking back on a team leader position, overseeing a department. (Please stay with me, this is leading to something.) As the role was left vacant for a while, there are "headcounts" to fill. So, over the past few weeks, I have been actively interviewing candidates for 2 positions as well as understanding the dynamics of my new team, and learning more about my various stakeholders and colleagues.

After viewing what feels like a gazillion CVs, it suddenly hit me that my managers and I were hardly looking into the academic achievements of the candidates. Rather, the candidates that caught my eye were those who cited leadership experiences, commitment (e.g. no job hopping), problem solving skills, etc. During the interviews, traits such as a willingness to collaborate, high EQ (I sometimes ask fairly far out questions to see what response I'd elicit), creativity are things that I look out for.

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Dumpling is turning 10 this year and it made me rethink ~ is the future world or are future jobs just about grades? Will interviewers be looking into her PSLE and O level scores comes 10 - 12 years time? Or are there other skills which are more important? What are the jobs which are yet to be created, for the future world?

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As parents in this meritocratic society, I believe that many of us were brought up with a view on the utter importance of grades. But what is an irony to me is while as a society, many areas such as technology, medical research, etc. have progressed but our education system seems to be stuck in some sort of a time capsule. The relentless chase for grades is still ongoing, evident in the thriving billion dollar tuition industry here in Singapore.

And I must say that some parents start their kids "early" on these. Dumpling had an interesting encounter with a classmate last year where they had to construct a boat individually but work as a group to present and share their thoughts, findings and rationale for the choice of materials for their boat. Dumpling was in charge of collating the slides and was repeatedly "chasing" for the slides from a classmate. After 2 - 3 weeks (nearing the deadline), the girl shared that her parent does not allow for her to email or share her slides with anyone prior the presentation. Frankly, I was mind-blown. 😐

Collaboration, problem solving skills, conflict management and the ability to lead, to me, are skills which I'd like for Dumpling to hone as they are key to her working well with her colleagues and team mates, no matter where she goes. After all, no one has all the knowledge in the world. And if anything, always choose to be kind. The world is not just about grades, and certainly not just about possessing this tunnel vision of being so "me-centric" and causing much inconvenience where, in this instance, the form teacher had to insert the students' (lone -ranger) slides into the group deck so no one else could see them prior.

I still recall my brother purchasing his first computer (286!!!) from years ago and that the shop assistants were playing computer games when we got there. I recall that "gaming" was being frowned on then, by the older folks as it was not really "a job". Just take a look at our children now. Many parents are signing them for robotics and coding classes, and even MOE has released a statement to share that all primary schools are to set up an applied learning programme by 2023. So who's to say what future jobs will be created in 10 - 15 years down the road?

So are grades, then, truly enough? Or are we, as parents of this next generation, missing out something that's beyond the academics.

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Mortality

“Mama, you will be fine right? All you have to do is to take medication which the doctor prescribed and you will be fine right?” Dumpling asked with tears streaming down her face. My heart shattered as I held on to that very fine thread of sanity for strength.

Please allow me to “rewind” back to the start of the year for January was a really challenging month for me.

My helper had to leave very urgently on compassionate leave and because everything happened so fast, I had no turnaround time to look and arrange for a part time cleaner. As I had very few days of leave left transitioning into a new job, I had to juggle work + scheduling for the pick-up of Dumpling + working out her food schedule as she was staying back in school from Wed – Friday weekly. Add laundry, medicating the dog, cooking / washing of dishes + mopping, supporting the kiddo with her homework; you can tell how packed each day was over the course of those weeks. 

Along the way, I went for what I thought was a “regular” Pap Smear test. “Regular” because the last round was almost 5 years go. Yup yup, before you diss me, this was what happened. My gynae appointments are usually made way in advance (like months ahead) because his schedule is really packed. What happened was I totally forgotten about it and I got busy with the everyday "busy-ness" and mum duties and then it dragged on and on until very strangely, I had this sudden and persistent “urge” to head for the test. So I booked myself one and a week after doing the test, the nurse called me up and said “Alicia, your test came back with inflammation with Parakeratiotic cells seen. Doctor Ong would like to see you tomorrow.”

I was totally taken aback “Para what?” I asked. “What does this mean?” And of course, she couldn’t answer further and the next day, I met up with the doctor to explain to me that basically because there’s inflammation in the cervix, the cells sort of build up as they layered and layered over, almost like a self defense mechanism to deal with the inflammation. BUT here’s the thing, HPV also causes inflammation and for some kinds, they are so called the high-risk (types 16 & 18) lead to the majority of cancer and get this, cervical cancer is most commonly linked to HPV.   

So I went for a further test / scope and the waiting game started. It was a week of yoyo moods for me. I hadn’t intended to tell Dumpling anything but she knew that I went for my regular check up as I had picked her up from school that late afternoon and so, she was really intuitive as to why I needed to go back for the second time. Sigh… Hence the water works started.

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I’ve always been iffy about the mortality discussion. When suddenly thrusted into this situation where I may be at high risk for cervical cancer, my first thoughts were “Oh dear. What’s gonna happen to the kiddo? How am I gonna break the news to my parents, who will be utterly devastated?” I started tearing in the car, texted some close friends & colleagues and called my bro who unfortunately was away on business travel.

Over the course of the week (where my helper was still away), I tried very hard not to think about it but honestly, that’s akin to ignoring a time bomb ticking away in your head. I posted up a status on FB asking for prayers and many replied back / PM / What’s App me.

And for that, I am utterly thankful ~ mummy friends helped me to pick Dumpling up from school, close friends prayed for me daily and continued to encourage me and some met me for lunch to cheer me up. I was reminded to be still, and to trust in God. Dumpling and I prayed together and amazingly, she kept assuring me that I will be alright. As for me, I basically passed the driver's seat to God. I told Him that my life was never mine in the first place so I am good if He wishes to take me with him. But if possible, I'd like to be able to parent and witness the kiddo grow up and to spend more time with my parents and loved ones. 

I am glad to share that I am tested negative for HPV (Thank you Lord!) and I am on a course of medication for bacteria where I have to repeat my tests again in 3 months time so it will be another waiting game. :( 

Having gone through this crazy scare, I was encouraged by my gynae to go for a HPV vaccine which I will be doing so. A girl friend incidentally texted me last evening to check on me (thanks June!) and I will share with you all the same thing that I shared with her then. 

I am also not a big fan of any vaccines but this episode has made me really glad that I’d still have that option to choose. If you were to be tested negative for it and the vaccine can provide some degree of coverage for HPV, then why not? 

To quote a read on a website:

"Cervical cancer: Virtually all cases of cervical cancer are caused by HPV, and just two HPV types, 16 and 18, are responsible for about 70% of all cases (7, 8). Anal cancer: About 95% of anal cancers are caused by HPV." 

Source

So, have a think about it, my mummy readers and friends. Let's take some time for self care so that we can continue for a longer period and go a farther distance. 

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A reflection: Term 3 of Primary 3 – I want a happier child

I want a happier child. And by that, I am saying that I want a well balanced child who has time to reflect, moments to dabble in her interests and even quiet moments to be bored. Dumpling is in P3 now and the workload this year has been tremendous so I cannot imagine how things will be like in the next 3 years.

The irony is that I work with teachers and leaders who work with children in the early formative years, where we often celebrate uniqueness and creativity; where we are reminded to respect each child’s expressions and feelings. So how is it that once they hit Primary school, all things come to a halt and rote learning and endless worksheets and homework seem to be the way to go?

I recall that while growing up and attending lectures (during Uni and Poly days), there was much talk and in a way, comparison, between our youths versus those in Western societies. Most often than not, “creativity” and “entrepreneurial spirit” (the lack of) are two areas which are often brought up.

How do we, then, encourage children to develop these skills? Because it seems to me that most of my friends and I “learnt” through rote learning and worksheets while growing up. So how is it that as a nation, we are still using a similar approach 30 years ago when everything else has evolved? And how does that encourage children to think out of the box and problem solve when everything is so structured? Can creativity and critical thinking skills even be cultivated? 

Honestly, I have no idea. But I would think that a self-directed learner has a higher chance of being a more creative child with more out of the box ideas than one that has been constantly exposed to just an instructional / didactic approach. When a person is engaged (regardless of age), “active” learning takes place as the person is more inclined to read up, research and learn more about that topical interest. Similarly for children, they are more likely to experiment and dabble into things when they are engaged. However, to do that, children need time and loads of it to reflect and to ponder.

Dumpling, being homeschooled at a young age, was encouraged to pursue and read up on whatever that catches her fancy and till this day, she still has a very keen interest in “Ancient Civilisation”, “Mythology” and “Social Studies”. She finds the lifestyle of the Mayas and Incas fascinating as the same with Greek Mythology. And in the same breath, she’s shared with me that in Norse Mythology, the days of the week were named after their gods and goddesses. For e.g. Friday is named after Freya and the day was known as Freya Day while Thursday is named after Thor. How fascinating that is. :)

While watching a documentary on Jane Goodall last evening, the narrator mentioned a place, Tanganyika, which Dumpling shared with me that it is now known as Tanzania (Tanganyika united with Zanzibar to form the United Republic of Tanganyika and Zanzibar and the country was renamed the United Republic of Tanzania.) And I was blown away. 

So I made a decision to reschedule Dumpling’s classes and to free up more time for her after school. Why? Because I want to have a happier child. And more importantly, I have realised that while Dumpling does well academically, I have learnt that if I were to continue to push her towards maintaining that academic excellence, she’d just be textbook smart where she'd regurgitate facts but I recognize that we both want more than that or she'd not be the inquisitive and passionate child that I know and that I love so dearly.

In an interview that Jack Ma did, he shared that he does not need his son to be the top three in his class as “only this kind of person [a middle-of-the-road student] has enough free time to learn other skills”. That was a pivotal learning point for me. For any child to continue to excel academically and to be able exercise that level of precision during exams is to practise, practise and practise some more. But that also means that the child is limited to only that academic exposure and nothing else.

Now, I do get that practice makes perfect but why are we so fixated on only that version of “perfection”? And why is it only results centric?  

The only answer that I can come up with, is that "perfection" is the version most of us were measured against when we were studying. So that same “value” we have pegged to results is the same value we are using to measure our child’s success and even the “standards” of schools here (elite versus neighbourhood schools). And Singapore, having gone from a third world country to a first world in 50 years, further cements that "results" is the panacea. So, the system can’t change because in a way, we can’t. Unless we see beyond the value of "just grades" and recognize that our children are all created different and we should celebrate that diversity, then likely, this will always be an academic rat race. 

Dumpling and I had quite a few chats on the rescheduling. This is in a bid to leave her with more "tinkering" time - be it doing some online reading / research, or working on one of her subscription boxes, doing her SCRATCH coding or start work on her stop animation project. Of course, the slight sense of unease is still there but I trust that the future world values things BEYOND grades. 

Sure, grades will open up some doors and maybe opportunities for them but I also believe that other traits such as grit, being able to work well in teams, to lead, creativity, etc., will bring her further in life. 

I recently told her "baby, I don't need you to always be the top 3 in class ya? You know that right?" To which, I am very heartened to share that she said "yes, I know. Because you want me to just be happy and to do things which make me happy."