On the 31
st
Jan this year, I received a call from a teary Dumpling crying into the phone
that she was not selected for the school team. It was the first time she’s ever
called me to seek comfort over the phone, through tears.
With a sinking
heart, I tried my best to keep her calm and give her assuring words, but this
decision did not come as a surprise. It was because a few weeks just before the
announcement I had a conversation with a teacher from the school who told me
that while Dumpling did very well as a defender, they were not looking for one.
I was stumped and asked why. The reply that I was given was that “defenders
do not need thinking skills”. I then asked what support has then been
given to Dumpling to hone her attacking skills, but my question was brushed
aside. And at that moment, I knew that Dumpling had next to zilch chance in
getting into the team. More than that, I did wonder about the leadership of the
team if person has such skewed thoughts about the role of defenders.
This was
where things got frustrating for me because Dumpling would return home, telling
me about the drill work that she did and who she was paired with, and
there were many instances where she was not given the chance to work with weight
belts, etc as compared to some of the other girls. Hence, it seems that the choices
were already made way prior and that the school was spending the time and the effort on
those who will be selected.
Dumpling
told me that on the announcement day, they were informed that the choices were
made based on “attendance”, “grades” and "ball skills". Of which, in terms of the
1st 2 criteria, factually (by this I mean statistically) Dumpling would
have been in the top percentile. As for ball skills, this would be very subjective
since there’s no official sets / criteria. Dumpling was sharp enough to know that
and asked me then on what basis was she not chosen since she made the mark based
on the first 2 criteria and this was something that I could not answer to.
Additionally, there was a player in that list (who was chosen) whose attendance
and the attitude have been known to be bad.
I did ask one
teacher, but she could not answer me. Shockingly, this same player (with the bad attitude) stole (by this I actually referred online to the meaning of the word and here it is: "take another person's property without permission or legal right and without intending to return it."*) from
Dumpling some months later where Dumpling found her item in this girl’s bag and
the girl admitted to it. The matter was brought up to the school and yet,
this girl remains as part of the team, donning on the netball dress
representing the institute which I sent my child to, in hopes of my child being educated not just in
terms of book knowledge but also in values. What an irony. There were also many dramatic
incidents amongst the players which I feel did not show that the team was building
up to be one which has strong camaraderie and with the right focus.
When Dumpling
did not make the final cut, one of the things we spoke about was if she
intended to stay on in this CCA and be part of the recreational team and she
told me “no”. I asked her for her reason, and to be honest, if she were to tell
me because it was “too hard” I would not have agreed to it, Surprisingly, she shared
that the recreational team does not have exposure to friendly games as opposed
to the competitive team and if that were the case, she will never learn more and improve.
I was very surprised by her thought process and maturity and hence, we
transferred her out of that CCA which she was part of since P2.
On 2 Feb, I
put up this photo of her trying out new shoes on her new journey in my personal FB page. And I recall
encouraging her to continue on with her passion and that maybe one of these days, we
can share her journey with some of you readers where it would encourage you and
your children but I did not think that I would actually be able to share about her journey within the same year.
After she left the team, she then began to train with a club outside where she forged new
friendships and I dare say, more respectful ones too. The players all played
for one thing – “team success”, not for individual glory. They built on each
other’s skills and encouraged each other during games with assuring words like “you
can do it!”, “good job”, “really well done”, etc., and even when mistakes were made (very unlike her school experience), encouragement such as "it's ok, good try!" were dished out.
She’s
trained through rain (yup, they continue even in the rain if there’s no lightning
alert), played through injuries and worked through personal obstacles. There were no
tinted glasses when she joined the team (i.e. "defenders do not need thinking skills" type of opinions) and instead, she was given a fair chance to be exposed
to, and nurtured in various positions where she started learning more about
being an attacker too.
Playing and training through rain is quite a norm for us. In fact, I now have sets of towels, slippers, 2 hoodies and a change of clothes all the time in my car
Training through a hyper-extended knee and after being knocked down during a morning league game
And for this season, she's played through a few different leagues and committed to some sessions on Sunday too
Over the
past few terms, she has rarely missed out on any training unless she was sick
(I think twice) and has not missed out on any league matches which she has
committed. She played through exam weeks, learnt to juggle that with her violin
practice and after her weekly higher Chinese class, she would travel to a gym for
her youth academy classes where she worked on being stronger to counter balance
her hyper-mobility so she reduces the risk of injuries.
And for all of that, she’s made me a proud mum – because she
has shown resilience, maturity and commitment to improving herself.
And after (almost)
a year of playing with the club, at an award presentation last evening, much to our
surprise, she was given an award -
"Most Improved Player" (U11, Year 2019).
An award which recognises her leapfrog in court and ball skills, good performance, great attitude and commitment to the sport and also to her team mates, and of course, her hard work.
She was a bit shell-shocked and was in disbelief.
Past year winners congratulating her and handing over the shield award & personal plaque to her
Where her name now is immortalised on the plaque for the "Most Improved Player" for U11 group in 2019. We get to keep this award at home for the whole year where she will hand it over to the next Most Improved Player for U11 in 2020! (How cool!)
And the personal one which we get to keep
Looking back, I would have to say that it was a very frustrating experience dealing with the school and with a teacher who did not seem to understand (let alone appreciate) the value of each position and how to groom / support each players' growth.
It was also heartbreaking as a parent to receive a call with your child crying over the phone, for the first time ever, and not having the power to make things better for her. It has also been arduous as we had to carve out (almost non-existent) pockets of time to do this outside of school hours so that she can train (on court and in gym) to become faster, stronger and better. There were many times on this journey that she was very discouraged by the plateau in her performance (and possibly me yelling on the side line, haha) and also by the "injustice" of the selection but the important thing is that we stayed on.
From a parenting perspective, I did not try to soften the blow for her because hey, this is life and it is what it is. There will be moments in life where there are favourtism and when things do not go her way, where she will be struck down, so the only thing that I can do as a parent was to guide her to problem solve - discuss with her our next course of action, what we can do better and how she can bounce back; to encourage and support her in whatever areas that we can and to always assure her that we believe in her.
And in the end, it was a sweet moment of small success, where she is recognised by her coaches for her effort and performance. Where she has grown to be more confident, make better decisions on court and importantly, I am most happy to see that she is smiling once again, during her training.
Success begets success and she is so encouraged and so stoked that her coaches recognise her effort that she told me on the way home that she will train harder. So, well done Dumpling, I am so proud of you, that you rose above the challenges and the negativity and improved as a player, a team mate and a person. And as parents, if your child(ren) is/are facing challenges, stick by them, believe in them and continue to whisper words of affirmation. What Dumpling said to me last evening sums up her relationship with her team, "Mum, the girls were all very happy for me and they cheered me on as I collected my plaque. There were no snide remarks and bad attitude and many patted me on my back as I sat. They were so encouraging!"
That my readers and friends, is what sportsmanship is about and what being a team means. And for that, I cannot be more pleased that she is with a club that lives and breathes that motto (first to arrive at leagues for warm ups, warm up as a group - no sprinters and personal glory, no snide / rude remarks to each other and to other teams), and that she is taught not just to be a better sportsperson BUT also a better being. Thank you Centaurs and my deepest gratitude to all the coaches who believe in her and are supporting her so that she can be the best version of herself.
* source
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