Parenting with Love: A reflection. 100 marks journey…

Dumpling is into her week 9 of Term 1 in formal school and so far, she has been doing great having comfortably settled into her school routine. At the homefront, I am still trying to work out a schedule where we have her activities out of school hours (dance / music / art, etc.) mapped out and balance it out with revisions, her homework and going through with her for spelling and 听写, etc.

I am still adamant about outdoor and play time so weekend mornings are wide open where we have play dates, catch a play / movie and head to the gardens or zoo. Twice to thrice a week, after work, I will bring her to the playground where she has half an hour of playtime too. Truthfully, it can sometimes be hard to balance this with her school work and revisions.

The chat group which we have has been very helpful as it allows me to clarify stuff (when to bring what files) and be updated on class matters. Amongst which are also teacher matters, assessment dates and at times, kids’ performances for some of these tests; the latter being more of a closed book matter as most parents do not share much on that end along with the extra activities their kids do too.

Recently a mum asked in the chat group how the kids did for that week’s 听写 and I was the only mum who shared. 

Coincidentally, a friend in a FB forum group shared this page in a book that she is reading:

(Excerpt is from Wow! 原来德国妈妈这样教孩子 by 赵丽荣著)

Loosely translated, it reads “if your neighbor was to comment that his/her child scored 100 points for his Math exam and asked how your child did, what would your answer be? What if your child was beside you, how would you then have answered him/her?”

In the group chat, I shared to say that kiddo knows her stuff but she was marked down because of her penmanship though I was nagging at her the night before. (Her U was tapered at the ends and while they didn't meet, it looked like a cross between an “a” and a “u”.) And the mum went on to ask, quite specifically, “So not 100 marks?” to which my reply was “Nope” and added that I did not fault the teacher for being strict as penmanship is one area especially for the Chinese Language where the strokes and all needed to be very precise.

So that got me reflecting over this 100 marks journey: are we, as parents, obsessed with this 100 marks journey and does it really make a load of difference if the kids get 100 marks for every spelling and 听写 test? Now, before you jump to the conclusion and say that I am saying this because the kiddo did not score 100 points for this 听写, please allow me to share that for English spelling, the kiddo has had perfect scores since the beginning of term.

On that reflection, take a moment and answer this: would it have bothered you?

My honest thoughts: was I annoyed that she lost marks over that “u”? Of course I was, specifically because I reminded and corrected her the night before. She had another incident in her first 听写 where she forgot the 标号 so she has a tendency to be careless. Now, if it were a question that she truly doesn't know, then of course, she cannot be faulted. But is it worth it to get ridiculously uptight over these mistakes? For me, nope.

It is not good for me to be obsessed with the perfect score as it is not good for my BP and definitely not healthy for her especially when she had a recent episode on being able to deal with mistakes. I have learnt to pick my battles and trust that she will learn to be more careful along the way. As a new P1 student, she is also feeling her way around as she has to deal with new faces, new teachers, new environment, etc.  I did share with her what the mummy asked and what my reply was and she has requested for me not to share on it anymore in that forum. I agreed to it as I have to respect her feelings too.

For myself, I have also learnt that some lessons are meant to be “lived”, not just learnt and well, she will remember one of these days. To me, it is also not so much as to how many marks she got for these tests but rather, what she does when she doesn't, that matters. Does she work harder? Is she resilient where she takes it in her stride and bounces back? For me as long as the knowledge is there and the attitude is right, I will be a paper tiger mum for the moment. J

Disclaimer: photo above is shared by a friend of mine which she borrowed from our library.

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