Tuesday Thoughts: 'Gifted' toddlers - a need to advance?

In my scope of work and during personal time, I meet many parents of young children and often times, have been blessed with the chance to chat with them, learn more about them and learn from them. After all, there is such a saying where 'the cheapest form of lesson is learning from someone's experience.' 

More and more often, I hear about and know of parents who share that their preschoolers / toddlers are gifted.  Some parents did a lot of reading up while some shared that their Pediatrician has shared that the child is advanced. Frankly I am sitting on the fence for these sort of early diagnosis. 

I understand that all children are gifts and are blessed with talents in different areas. I am not trying to belittle the efforts of parents who want the best start for their kids. But I feel that there is a lot of difference between a child prodigy who is profoundly gifted versus one who is advanced. Smart kids are sprouting up quicker than ever possibly because of more discerned parents who pick up on quicker developmental milestones achieved by their kids and also more 'hardworking parents' who take greater effort to teach their children and expose them early to many different experiences. 

The thing is with such early 'diagnosis' and sharing, I know of parents who insist on having their preschools advance the child to another level. I am certainly not in favour of this unless otherwise the child has been formerly tested (which the recommended age is around 5) and falls in the profoundly gifted category where the child needs an entirely level of engagement altogether. 

While advanced, some children do lack behind in other areas such as social or motor skills. By placing a child at a higher level class, the child may be challenged academically but may not be given a proper chance to work at his / her own pace when it comes to something as simple as the pencil grip. By placing the child at an older class, the child may be rushed through as expectations are already set that 'this child is gifted' and hence can catch on quickly. By rushing through the early years, sometimes these children are not socially ready and may have issues dealing with concepts emotionally leading to meltdowns - Asynchronous Development.

I met a couple some time back who shared that they feel that their child is happier with older children, can take instructions well and is an advanced learner. The entire conversation surrounded on what the child (a toddler) can do and that they did not wish for the child to be placed in the 'original' class as they do not want their child to revert to 'babyish days'. As the parents shared, yes, it is great to develop leadership skills are but they do not necessarily want or need the child to be with his peers (based on age) where the child would likely spend his/her time herding and helping out the rest of the children. 

Those are some pretty strong thoughts - whatever happened to 'community spirit'? I, for one, feel that there is much to be learnt from having a child mingle with children at his / her age. To me, the child will pick up important values along the way - patience and tolerance for his/her peers, compassion, helpfulness, etc. As pressure amounts for e.g. in Primary school, would resilience not enter into the story? In group projects, would the child not be required to understand what teamwork, cohesiveness and tolerance? If as parents, we are not even tolerant of unique differences and embrace them, how do we expect our child to know and display them? Are these not important traits to hone rather than looking purely at the academics? 

The child after all, is all but a wee little person at less than 3. Is there such a need to rush the child through 'life' - the child has many many years of formal schooling to come before entering adulthood. When has society become so impatient with these little kids? Since when, have we as parents, become so intolerant of this wonderful journey and experience called "childhood"?

I know that many place academics above and beyond traits and values but I do not. I strongly believe that deep rooted values form the foundation for all things; if there ever is a 'gauge/meter' where I am being measured how 'well' I did as a parent, academics will probably not be in the top 3. Heck, I am not sure if it will even make it to the top 5.

I will consider giving myself a pat on the back if my child (in no particular order) has a thankful and compassionate heart, has a good attitude in life (e.g. perseverance, the right focus), is sensible and filial and of course, loves God.

I know that Dumpling's formal school years (Primary One) is creeping and crawling up slowly but surely on us. I am not in denial that there is prep work to be done prior but I rather spend time showing her the ropes  of how to be a 'good person' and prefer that she has a happy childhood filled with laughter and memories of us hanging out and having fun than rushing her through 'life'.

Parenting with Love - because I have been called to be a mum

'Have you ever regretted being a mum?' someone asked me recently (am penning this on 13 Feb). I smiled at the pretty lass and said 'No. I have never had any regrets in becoming a mum.'

I get this question quite a bit especially from ex colleagues / single friends / friends without kids. They know me during my younger days where I had all the 'me-time' in the world. Big contrast to where I am now where every evening is spent racing through dinner and then homeschooling the little one. From Math to Music to Language Arts to Science / GK, am doing it all. So it is no wonder that some friends cannot reconcile the old and current me.

Hell, I do not believe it myself too. I was after all, quite possibly one of the most non-maternal persons that I know. :p

But how can I ever have any regrets when I look at Dumpling and see moments like these?

Oh help, oh no!!!!

Wa ha ha ha... me love roe!!! Gimme roe!!!

Gasp!!! It is bigger than me!!!

And how can anyone have any regret with love notes like these?

I am blessed in so many ways with this higher order of Motherhood. Dumpling brings out both the very worst and the very best in me. 

'Motherhood - the very best journey about Love that I have ever been on. Dumpling - the very best gift of love that I have ever had. Thank you God and thank you, my other half :)' - 14 Feb, Mama Sue.  

Life's lessons - value of money

How do you teach your child the value of money? This has been at the back of my mind for quite a while. One of the areas of focus when I homeschool Dumpling is that every month, we will focus on a "value". So far we have gone through "Kindness", "Patience", "Forgiveness", "Respectful", etc.

I am guilty of over-indulging Dumpling at times though not exactly being frivalous with money. As a homeschooler, books and other learning aids are constant additions to my shopping list. Being a bookworm myself, I have no qualms in forking out money in buying quality resources for Dumpling. However, I put my foot down at giving in to buying toys she does not need or tidbits (I do not encourage snacking) especially when she starts fussing at the shops.

Dumpling attends Chinese classes and many of her classmates'  parents are expatriats. I recalled that I was very shocked when I saw the type of presents and gifts being dished out during the festive occasions. The most "impressive" gift that I have seen was a Crabtree and Evelyn hamper for EVERY teacher with bigger "versions" for the child's key teachers in charge. Mind you, this is not a "Biscuit and Teabag" hamper but a full blown 2 - 3 tier picnic basket hamper filled with toiletries to jam to biscuits to tea bags and let's not forget the award-winning hand therapy cream. :) 

Hence, I worry that Dumpling will take money for granted and does not understand the hard work that us parents, put in for our children. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am very strict in my upbringing of Dumpling. This is because I do not want her to think that if an item is damaged (and especially it was due to her careless handling), it is easily replaceable; Dad / Mum will just open their wallet and purse and buy a new piece. Or that the item is "lousy" and by paying more for a "branded" version, it will last longer so no love lost in losing the piece.

Of course as a parent, I want the best that I can afford for my child but at the same time, I wish to teach her the vaue of good old hard work and money, and have compassion for other underpriviledged families. Our children these days lead such privileged lifestyles that I cannot help but worry that I will raise a brat! LOL... A classic example was, in the past, when I was younger, a bus ride was the usual way for us to get to school. These days, for Dumpling, a bus ride is a novelty! Such is the way our environment and standard of living have changed.  

So how do I try to "teach" her the value of money? Instead of buying gifts, I always make it a habit to create / make the items with Dumpling. From pineapple tarts to  homemade jams and to craft items such as notebooks etc., Dumpling helps me with cutting, stirring, kneading, decorating, etc. for her teachers and classmates. And as we make them, I will explain to her that it is nice to make things on our own and we certainly do not need to buy gifts all the time. When appropriate, I will also explain that the items cost much more to buy as compared to us making it and, it is certainly no lesser tastier. I have also started explaining to her the concept of trade and money; spending versus saving.

Last year, we had to bring in some food items for the class as it was a potluck party for Children's Day. Being anal, I involved Dumpling in making some Konnyaku Jelly last evening. 

I was very pleased when she proudly told her teacher: "石老师这些果冻是用爱心做的, 而不是买的。是我帮妈妈切桃子的。" At that moment, I gave thanks to the Lord and heaved a sigh of relief. It is still a long way ahead for us inculcate other life values and I will continue to pray for grace and guidance. 

How do you teach your children the value of money where they do not kick up a fuss or throw a tantrum if they do not get the presents / toys they want? What else do you do/use and how do you discuss with them? It certainly would be nice to learn from you!