A reflection: Term 3 of Primary 3 – I want a happier child

I want a happier child. And by that, I am saying that I want a well balanced child who has time to reflect, moments to dabble in her interests and even quiet moments to be bored. Dumpling is in P3 now and the workload this year has been tremendous so I cannot imagine how things will be like in the next 3 years.

The irony is that I work with teachers and leaders who work with children in the early formative years, where we often celebrate uniqueness and creativity; where we are reminded to respect each child’s expressions and feelings. So how is it that once they hit Primary school, all things come to a halt and rote learning and endless worksheets and homework seem to be the way to go?

I recall that while growing up and attending lectures (during Uni and Poly days), there was much talk and in a way, comparison, between our youths versus those in Western societies. Most often than not, “creativity” and “entrepreneurial spirit” (the lack of) are two areas which are often brought up.

How do we, then, encourage children to develop these skills? Because it seems to me that most of my friends and I “learnt” through rote learning and worksheets while growing up. So how is it that as a nation, we are still using a similar approach 30 years ago when everything else has evolved? And how does that encourage children to think out of the box and problem solve when everything is so structured? Can creativity and critical thinking skills even be cultivated? 

Honestly, I have no idea. But I would think that a self-directed learner has a higher chance of being a more creative child with more out of the box ideas than one that has been constantly exposed to just an instructional / didactic approach. When a person is engaged (regardless of age), “active” learning takes place as the person is more inclined to read up, research and learn more about that topical interest. Similarly for children, they are more likely to experiment and dabble into things when they are engaged. However, to do that, children need time and loads of it to reflect and to ponder.

Dumpling, being homeschooled at a young age, was encouraged to pursue and read up on whatever that catches her fancy and till this day, she still has a very keen interest in “Ancient Civilisation”, “Mythology” and “Social Studies”. She finds the lifestyle of the Mayas and Incas fascinating as the same with Greek Mythology. And in the same breath, she’s shared with me that in Norse Mythology, the days of the week were named after their gods and goddesses. For e.g. Friday is named after Freya and the day was known as Freya Day while Thursday is named after Thor. How fascinating that is. :)

While watching a documentary on Jane Goodall last evening, the narrator mentioned a place, Tanganyika, which Dumpling shared with me that it is now known as Tanzania (Tanganyika united with Zanzibar to form the United Republic of Tanganyika and Zanzibar and the country was renamed the United Republic of Tanzania.) And I was blown away. 

So I made a decision to reschedule Dumpling’s classes and to free up more time for her after school. Why? Because I want to have a happier child. And more importantly, I have realised that while Dumpling does well academically, I have learnt that if I were to continue to push her towards maintaining that academic excellence, she’d just be textbook smart where she'd regurgitate facts but I recognize that we both want more than that or she'd not be the inquisitive and passionate child that I know and that I love so dearly.

In an interview that Jack Ma did, he shared that he does not need his son to be the top three in his class as “only this kind of person [a middle-of-the-road student] has enough free time to learn other skills”. That was a pivotal learning point for me. For any child to continue to excel academically and to be able exercise that level of precision during exams is to practise, practise and practise some more. But that also means that the child is limited to only that academic exposure and nothing else.

Now, I do get that practice makes perfect but why are we so fixated on only that version of “perfection”? And why is it only results centric?  

The only answer that I can come up with, is that "perfection" is the version most of us were measured against when we were studying. So that same “value” we have pegged to results is the same value we are using to measure our child’s success and even the “standards” of schools here (elite versus neighbourhood schools). And Singapore, having gone from a third world country to a first world in 50 years, further cements that "results" is the panacea. So, the system can’t change because in a way, we can’t. Unless we see beyond the value of "just grades" and recognize that our children are all created different and we should celebrate that diversity, then likely, this will always be an academic rat race. 

Dumpling and I had quite a few chats on the rescheduling. This is in a bid to leave her with more "tinkering" time - be it doing some online reading / research, or working on one of her subscription boxes, doing her SCRATCH coding or start work on her stop animation project. Of course, the slight sense of unease is still there but I trust that the future world values things BEYOND grades. 

Sure, grades will open up some doors and maybe opportunities for them but I also believe that other traits such as grit, being able to work well in teams, to lead, creativity, etc., will bring her further in life. 

I recently told her "baby, I don't need you to always be the top 3 in class ya? You know that right?" To which, I am very heartened to share that she said "yes, I know. Because you want me to just be happy and to do things which make me happy."