More than that, he shared that he sees parents prepping their children for P1 with all sorts of enrichment classes. He then wondered out loud if parents are indeed "over-prepping" their kids and it is important for kids to "learn how to fall". I too noted in some workshops or when I am at play gyms, when the kids trip, it is not uncommon to see parents rushing up and making quite a fuss over it. Even when the child was originally not crying, he'd end up wailing shortly.
This got me thinking: as parents, do we allow our child to fall? In addition, do we create chances for our child to fall and more importantly, how to fall graciously, pick themselves up and grow to be more resilient through time?
Another friend also shared that in her experience, she noted that some kids are prepped so far ahead that they tend to wander off in class and they are used to "knowing" and "getting it right". This got me thinking again: as parents when we send the kids to school, are they not supposed to learn something out of it? If the child were to be always well prepped, does it breed a less resilient kid who does not get a chance to learn through trial and error? And what about the development of critical thinking skills from the insights gained on where it went 'wrong' and being adaptable in the face of adversity?
How then, do we and should we teach our kids to fall?
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I'm glad to say that in the DinoFamily we allow failure in DinoBoy. We think that he will learn things through failure that no books or classes or explanation or preparations will teach him.
ReplyDeleteHey Jen, looking at DinoBoy now, I can safely say that you are doing a great job!
DeleteI always tell my girls that falling is part of growing - they have internalised this so well that they tell other kids the same thing!
ReplyDeleteHi Jean, I have always felt that you are one coooool mama! It is great that your girls are so confident and assured. We should have a playdate soon!
DeleteDon't worry to much about overpreparing kids and taking away their chance to experience failure. Unless exceptionally bright or gifted, come upper primary, the school syllabus will 'kill' your kid and jot you out of la la land - the difficulty of school syllabus is crazy that this degree qualified auntie could not coach her upper pri son. What they then need is the sense of self esteem that needs to bebuilt in lower primary years. Being adequately prepared is a good start and also so that kids can enjoy a sense of achievement to build on their appetite for success.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. With parents like me and you, kids will turn out fine.
Hi zhen49, sigh... the dreaded local system. It is quite depressing to see some of the FB shouts and sharing. I agree totally on the self-esteem part and in fact, I will be posting on this topic soon! :) Thank you very much for the kind words my dear
DeleteI don't know, but I think 'well prepped' doesn't equate to no failure at all. In this life, no matter how we well prepare ourselves there will still be opportunities to fail. So I don't really see the relation. I don't think a well prepped child will never experience failure or fall. Personally, it's 2 different matters. I don't think we need to 'teach' them to fall because life will always present them with failures. What's more important is we teach them how to react to failures. Or sometimes, like me, purposefully allowing them to make the wrong choice so that they learn from their mistakes. A simple personal example, my son at one stage kept forgetting to bring his school bag whenever we leave the house. I found myself reminding him over & over again. Till one day, I decided not to remind him. I allowed him to leave the house without his school bag. He didn't realize till we reached the school & of course he panicked & almost didn't want to enter the school gate. It was heart wrenching to see him crumble with fear, anxiety but I persisted. he went in without his bag. Although nothing drastic happen, but he very well learnt his lesson. He now even packs his own bag & I don't even check for him. I think alot of parents, me included, don't have the courage to let our kids fall. When we see them about to make a wrong move, we zoom in swiftly and make them turn the right way. I am trying to pick my battles. If the 'wrong move' doesn't have dire consequences, like death :p, I try to allow him to fail- just to make him Learn. Failure is a learning process.
ReplyDeleteHi, thank you for the sharing and I agree with you. It is quite interesting to note that though, for some, their thoughts are that prepping the kids will lead to a lower chance of non-success rate. Many fail to address how these kids should pick themselves up and go since "failure" (for the lack of a better term) is inevitable.
DeleteI am currently adopting a "step back and see approach" where for Dumpling's Chinese class, I do not prep her for her Ting Xie (by the school) at all. Rather, we spoke about this and she is to let me know if she is confident / she needs help. So I am purposely taking a step back to see how she reacts to it. :) Maybe this will be another post next time?!? :)