With the recent MOE
announcement on schools having fewer exams and assessments, there’s an
attempt to have a shift in focus on academic results. The rigour in our
system has been an ongoing discussion for a while, with an MP raising if PSLE should be abolished
during Parliament earlier this year.
The academic pressure has also been much discussed within my
own circle of friends. However, something that I feel we need to look into is values.
A friend of mine recently posted up on her FB about witnessing a child jumping
queue and the parent condoning it. More than that, apparently when my friend spoke
up, the parent got nasty.
Dumpling as some of you would know, participates in Netball as a CCA. On most days, her position is that of a midfielder. One thing I’ve
often advised her is to just take on and try various positions, even when it is
not one that is familiar to her. There was an occasion this year where she was
tasked to stand in as a shooter, a position she is unfamiliar with. Needless to
say, Dumpling did not score any goals. After the session, one player (let’s
call her T) called Dumpling a loser. Dumpling (good on her I must say!) told
that girl off. What was disturbing was that Dumpling shared with me the girl’s
mum heard their squabble and confronted Dumpling, asking her “what is wrong with T calling you a loser?”
Thankfully Dumpling stood her ground.
As Dumpling is in the so called "top class" in her school, I often "marvel" (can you detect the sarcasm here?) at some of the parents' teachings and reactions, and wonder if all they are concerned about are grades. On a recent occasion, Dumpling was placed in a project group
where each of the team mate has a part to research and write on and the slides
were to be collated at the end of the project timeline. Dumpling was “chasing
up” with one particular team-mate who was unresponsive and refused to email /
save her part in the thumb drive. Towards the end, that team member
shared that her slides were ready, but her mum refused to let her email / save
it lest the team “tries to copy them”. So apparently, team work and, respect
and collaboration are not ranked high on her list here.
A few months back, Dumpling was also hit on the arm by a
classmate with a pencil case. This same classmate also threatened to step onto
Dumpling’s violin not once but twice. I had to raise this to the form teacher
as the incidents seem to be ongoing (these were not the only few incidents but
the more “recent” ones). The girls were purposely separated to reduce chances
of interaction. Some days later, Dumpling told me that the girl told the
teacher her mom has also told her to stay away from Dumpling lest she (the
girl) gets blamed by Dumpling again. So clearly, hitting and threatening someone is not something which the parent thinks is wrong.
In the past, if my parents were to get a call from the school,
my mom would hit the roof and start questioning and punishing us first. I
recall my younger days where my mum would cane my brother and I so badly that
my classmates would point and stare at the marks over the next few days when we
attended school.
In this day and age, it seems that the tables have turned. I
am not sure if the pursuit of academic excellence causes a downplay on values;
after all, our society is meritocratic. It is almost like these children can do
no wrong and I can almost hear parents rebutting with a “well, Thomas came
in tops for his recent Maths exams”; that good grades are all that matter.
Dumpling has on some occasions told me that I am the worst
mum ever and she hates me. Yup, in those words, especially when I come down
hard on her for failing to complete her stuff or not taking responsibility for
her choices and actions. My reply was (and I still stand by this) that I am
first and foremost, her mother, a parent. If we end up being great friends
along the way, that’s a bonus. But my main duty in life is to ensure that she
grows up being a “good” person – one that is kind, responsible, has compassion
and understands the value of good old hard work; one that is willing to speak
up for what is right and understands the value of respect and collaboration. So
if that makes me a bad parent because I am anal about some stuff, then so be it
as I am trying to raise a child with good values, not someone with just great grades.