Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Parenting with Love - Values of humility

I am rubbing my tempers as I am typing this. Let's just say that through some circumstances Dumpling has been exposed to some degree of what I feel is some form of boasting and materialism which I do not feel comfortable about. She has been regurgitating stories about some money matters which I find a concern. A big enough of a concern for me to put up a shout on my personal Facebook last evening.

So here I am, faced with a double whammy, frightened as worried as hell that my daughter will grow up bratty (we are still working on her tone and manners) and even worse, have the wrong values inculcated. While I understand that most of us find joy in sharing good news but I also wish for more discretion when it comes to material stuff and money matters.

I am not anyone's example of a stellar Christian but I do have a very strong set of values and beliefs. Values are the hardest to teach and humility ranks high on that list for me. Whenever Dumpling or any of us, is blessed with something, I'd always give thanks to God and encourage her to do the same. After all, to me, what are given to us are all planned for and through the blessings of God - what is there for us to be so proud and boastful about? Especially when there are children involved and they are so young - is there a need to 'impress' these things upon them?

We read biblical stories and discuss verses from the bible as often as we can. I was so affected by what I heard last night that I spent an hour reading and discussing verses and parables with Dumpling. I do not want Dumpling to grow up thinking that money and all these riches on earth are what measures her success as a person and that is what she should strive for.

As a parent, I do not care if Dumpling were to grow up being a NASA Scientist or a top Neurosurgeon. Sure, if that is what she wants to do because she has interest and potential in that area, then by all means, she is free to pursue it. BUT. That would not make me any prouder than I already am. I will derive just as much happiness from watching her enjoy her life, her family and contributing to the workforce and society in any other way. I simply do not see myself as one parent who'd brag about her 'accomplishments' and go "You know, my daughter owns this large property in 6th avenue and brings home this amount of salary."

And so, here is an ending note which I want to leave for Dumpling, as a reminder, as a source of motivation and importantly, as a source of affirmation.

"Lulu, I am already proud as I can be of you and I will tell you this: I will be just as proud of you in 30 years even when I cannot see what lies ahead. 

This is because I believe in you. How successful you are as a person is not measured by how much you earn or what you own. It is beyond all these earthly riches but the heart of gold that lies in you. Continue to seek God when things are hard and give thanks when you receive any blessings.

For it is the riches in God's Kingdom that matter and one of these days, when I am gone, I will be right there in His Kingdom, waiting to enjoy those heavenly riches with you instead. I love you." 

Love, Mama Sue


  1. Values are caught, not taught. I always remember this quote from a preacher when he preached about leaving a legacy for our children. Though I was still single at that time, it stuck with me for a long time. I believe our children are always watching us, observing us. That's why I'm mindful of what I'm teaching Sophie with how I live out my life. I'm no model christian myself and pray for God's guidance to bring her up to be a lady of values.

    1. Love this quote Susan! Thanks for sharing; it will definitely be stuck with me for the rest of my days. And yes, you are right - I realised that these days, she watches and picks up like a hawk. Too scary - hence my no yelling journey too!

  2. This is something which I've been thinking about as well, especially since we are perpetually surrounded by twisted "success" definitions. It's even more difficult to control once they are in school bcos there's always this comparison mindset. I think praying is one of the key points, and the other, like what Susan said, is essentially living out an example.

    1. Hi Maddie,

      Yes, that is my worry too - these definitions of 'success'. I do not wish for her to be influenced by it where she views these as superficial things as benchmarks or worse, peg her self worth to these things. We are trying to be a living example as much as we can! :) Thanks for stopping by!


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