Wednesday, May 14, 2008

come to mama!

With Mother's Day just over, I cannot help but feel a little nostalgic. And especially now with beanie on the way, my thoughts and feelings towards Mother's Day is a bit different.

Recently a colleague asked me what sorta mum I think I am or will become. That question got me stuck and thinking for a while. See, I have been blessed with a fabulous mum. Though sometimes I am a bit too curt and impatient with my mum, there is no denying the amount of love and importantly, respect I have for her.

My parents are not very highly educated but I do think that my bro and I turned out pretty well. We are not dis-respectful, have pretty strong family values and beliefs and are doing OK in corporate world. Importantly, my bro and I are very close. Next to my husband, my bro is my other best friend. I think I have to give my parents credit for that, for instilling that family value and closeness in us since young. Till now, my bro and I chat with each other everyday. But of course, being an elder brother, he does all the annoying things a brother naturally does... Opps, I think I may have digress a bit. Let's get back to my mum.

My mum, 'cos of her lack of education, had to do pretty manual labour to make a living. Since young, I remember she had to do 2 jobs just to get the family going. It was especially bad as my dad was affected by the 1985/86 recession and was jobless. My mum never once complained and I remembered she was just this steam roller that just continues on and on. Additionally, my brother was quite a sickly child when he was young and had to undergo a few fairly major operations. My mum would somehow manage to cook the necessary tonic and bring it to the hospital and still do her 2 jobs. She also in her best capability tried to provide the best education for my bro and I, getting us tutors and courses to attend and sending me to study music for 11 years, etc.

How do I then compare myself to such a selfless and devoted mother?

One of my other colleagues who was participating in the conversation then turned the question around - how would I wish my beanie to turn out? My first reply was 'DEFINITELY NOT LIKE ME!' I recognise that I am not an easy child to raise and am so headstrong, impatient and short fused. It would be frightening to imagine if beanie were to be a mini-me!!! Ironic ain't it?

For all the wonderful sacrifices my mum made over the years, for all her tears, sweat, sleepless hours and worries she carried with her, I salute this wonderful being - MUMMY, I LOVE YOU. I could not ask for a better mother and if I end up doing half of a job as you did to bring us up, I would be deliriously happy already.

With my beanie on the way, I really do not know what sort of parenting style or mother I would be. So, I only have this to say to beanie:

"Sweetheart, I cannot give you the world's best but I sure will give you my best. And I shall look forward to the day you will be able to say to me the same words that I say to my mum here, "MUMMY I LOVE YOU" and I shall also look forward to the day that you are able to read these entries and know how much Daddy and I look forward to having and seeing you and how much we love and treasure you. Perhaps one day, you will also be a parent and think of me with fond memories. And I thank God for the day He put you in me and bringing you into this world for us, for keeping you safe and healthy and importantly, happy. May the Lord continue to walk with you, watch over you and bless you.

Love, Mummy"

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